About a week ago, I adopted a new responsibility into my life. Don't ask me why. You would think two jobs, full-time school, and a boyfriend would be enough, but I like to see how this I can stretch myself before I crash and burn...No that is not true. I just wanted something to love, that loves me back unconditionally. Never in a million years did I think I would get some kind of value out of raising a puppy, but having a puppy is strikingly like having a baby.
I cannot believe the comparisons I can make between my little dotson mutt and a new born baby. The first night we brought him home he was so scared. He cried until I put him in bed with me. In the morning we tried to go outside, didn't quite make it, but accidents happen. And he is so small the outside is terrifying to him. Every morning he has to get used to it all over again. At first I had to feed him warm dog food. He wouldn't eat by himself, but now I think he's got it down. He cries all night. I am currently cage training him. It is difficult, but you just have to let them cry, or some I am told. Even though all I want to do is put him in bed with me. Along with crying he gets up in the middle of the night to play! I do not play at 3am pup. He is always ready to go in the morning. The rest of his day are continuous cycles of sleeping, playing, peeing, and sleeping. The best part about Oscar is that he always wants to be held. He doesn't sleep on the floor, or the couch, or the cage. If he wants to go to sleep he crawls up my legs like a baby lifting his arms, and says "hold me" with his little cries. As I pick him up, he curls up in my arms and falls right to sleep. This has made homework a challenge this week, but I don't really mind because he loves me and I love that he loves me.
Behavior of Oscar is not the only part of this experience that makes me feel like I just had a baby. The interaction with people has changed. I feel like I don't get any attention anymore, it's all about my puppy. They love him when he sleeps or plays, but I am called when he cries and needs to be taken outside. I have to ask people to "babysit" him because if you don't watch over him carefully he will reek havoc. When people talk about him I find myself getting really defensive. And I am constantly trying to protect him. When friends come over they rave about the new puppy, and hold him, and tell me how cute he is.
I find myself relating to friends who also have pets on a whole new level. One of my best friends just got a puppy a few weeks ago. I have asked him tons of questions about bath time, how long they cry, what playing is like, etc. Oscar met another friend of mine's big puppy, and they played together despite the size and age difference. Us moms just sat back and laughed, trying to gauge how well they were actually getting along. It is nice talking to people who are going through the same things I am and have advice to give. I am a new parent after all.
I think the most perplexing part of this whole thing is how my relationship with my boyfriend has changed. He doesn't want any responsibility. He makes it very clear that this is my dog. He helps take care of Oscar though. And I think of it as a partnership. If I am mom, then Dominic is definitely dad. We both worry about what the puppy is doing, who should take him out, and who's turn it is to hold him or calm him down if he is crying. We don't have time to ourselves anymore. It's always about Oscar. Even when we are by ourselves we talk about the dog. And we spend so much time thinking about Oscar that we don't think about each other. We haven't had sex once since we got him. I hate it actually. I'm not ready to have this adult kind of relationship where mom and dad's purpose in life changes to adapt a child. The priorities are all wrong, and I don't see them changing as long as we have this puppy. It's changed how I feel about him as a boyfriend. It just feels all too real, too fast, too soon...
Needless to say, having a puppy has made a bigger change in my life than I ever anticipated. I am still shocked at how much this reminds me of having a baby. But I'm happy to know I can give this baby away without compromising any of my morals. I have not changed my life forever by adding a dog, only temporarily. And now I understand more than ever why I do not have a child yet, and why I do not want one for a very long time. Because once you have a baby, there is no going back. Your life changes meaning, you have a new purpose, forever.
My birth control is in the form of an adorable puppy named Oscar.
