I Need It

I need a car. I have been living without one for 2 months. I need to know that I am in the place I am because I choose to be there. I don't like being left behind. I don't like being dependent on people. I don't like feeling like every choice I make is based on others, and not purely what I want. Because I am a firm believer in "do what makes you happy", and if I am deciding what do based on other people then I am not doing what makes me happy, I am focused on we. I need we, I love we, but we will mean more to me when I know I have satisfied me first. Try to understand. You are no different.  The car, though material and seemingly insignificant, means I can come and go as I please. And I need to feel like I control that.  As usual, this experience has taught me something about myself. I need to be independent. 

Jotting Some Thoughts

I wish I could write poetry. I wish the English language wasn't losing value to text abbrev iations and social network status's. I wish I could express these feelings. I wish I could see the future, and see that all of my worrying is for nothing. I wish someone would tell me what to do next. I am worried.

I want to grow up, but I don't want to leave my old friends behind. I want to be successful, but I don't know how. I want to have an amazing job, but I don't know what my talent is. I want to a good girlfriend, but I don't know how. I am worried.

What is going to happen? Will I accomplish all of the things I want? Will I ever figure out what my place is in this world? Will I ever grow up? Is it possible not to worry about what will happen next? How do I know what is forever? Is there a forever?

I want to disappear. And reappear, as someone no one recognizes. And I will be happy. Because I accomplished what I set out to achieve.