Re: Frustrated

I would like to follow up on my day as it concludes (that last post was so rushed). I would like to set the tone with this: its 2 AM, I am coming of 2 doubles at 2 jobs, and its not over til tomorrow at 4. I'm alone, and really don't want to be. I chose music, and writing over watching tv and passing out. 

I was thinking to myself, at about 10 PM, how do you fine a bad day? Me personal, I don't label a day a "bad day" until it's over. I'm always open to the opportunity of a change of heart from fate.  But 10 o'clock I had decided, "this was definitely a bad day". I called it just right because my day has finally come to an end...and it never improved. Although, I did win 1 game of pool. I don't want to bitch about my bad day though because who cares. It happens to the best of us. I would like to catalog some of the lessons that I can take from the say.

Numero uno: Do NOT keep your precious cell phone in your apron pocket

2. Do NOT drink beverages without lids

3. No one really likes to hear a complainer, even if you are participating in an existing conversation. Work sucks already, why make it worse by talking about how much it sucks? It might even make it suck less, if you learn to live by one of my favorite little 'ism's if you will: " If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all" 

4. Think about your next move. Think think THINK! Shouldn't be hard right? It's common sense; we learn this stuff starting from birth. Every action has and equal and opposite reaction. So when you do something, big or small, you should have a pretty good idea of what the outcome will be. I mean, even if it's an educated guess, you made that decision for a reason, hopefully a good one. So why does a "pretty smart" girl like me fail at the basics like: remember your house key or eat before you drink? Keep you phone away from possible liquid damage; commonly found in restaurants. Unfortunately, I must have been on another planet when I was child because I failed to learn any common sense when it comes to mind daily interactions with life. It can be argued that the environment I grew up in had something to do with that, but that's arguing for the wrong side. You just need to think things alway through, do the end outcome.

5. You can't make everyone happy, so don't try. It just makes everyone (including you) unhappier. Do what makes you happy, and bring the ones along that want to do the same things. You really can't go wrong.

6. This last lesson isn't a lesson at all. It is a question to a lesson yet to learn. And unfortunately, I am unable to put it into words. It deals with the various realms of love, between family, friends, and lovers. The balance between them. And when they conflict, who is right and who is wrong? What is right and wrong, who decides? People in various categories love you in different ways. You have to use your judgement based on your perspective to make choices. It is natural to go to others for support or advice, but ultimately it's up to you how you use this feedback to handle tough situations.  It deals with trust as well. I trust everyone, and when truths contradict, I'm at a devastating loss. But if I can't trust people I love, what good are they?

It goes on from there, and I will not know the conclusion until tomorrow.  But I do hope tomorrow is a good day. I look forward to its start...in 6 hours. And hopefully I can figure out how to make today make a lasting impression based on what I've 'learned'.

Frustrated.

Didn't really want my first blog post in over a week to be another vent session, but it's better than running my car off a bridge. I am Emily Ann Lanzillotta. I'm smart, not brilliant, but there's a good head on those shoulders. So can someone please tell me why I so absent minded. I would like to add up the costs of my shenanigans, say what it is on a yearly basis. I would estimate about $1000, not kidding. I am even on ADD meds..nothing. Can someone please help me? Is there a cure? Anything?? What can I do to stop being silly, and lost, and stop making poor choice that cause pain/cost me money. I am completely open to ideas. Just help me before I am the source of my own demise!

Just give me a minute..

I would just like to get this little..negative..blah, whatever it is, I want to get something off of my chest. And because I know no one reads my blog (just yet at least, it's going to be BIG), it seems like the perfect place to let off some steam. This is going to be one of those cliche rants where I talk about "my friend". He shall remain nameless, but for the sake of reference we'll call him  lion man. this "lion man" is my roommate. We have been friends since high school, and has always been one of my best...until we started living together.

When my first roommate left, I was devastated. He was the best little buddy roommate in the world. Not the cleanest, but if I told him to complete a chore he would. And he always took care of me, and was always here when I needed someone to hangout with. I have JUST made a connection..Steve was like my puppy. Aw, he would probably hate me if he read this, but it makes me miss him so much more!

To replace my Steve, I was lucky to have lion man. He's not like other guys, a little more...feminine if you know what I mean. He's clean, which is nice. And he has two jobs so I thought I would get more time to myself. The new roommate seemed like it was a match made in heaven. WRONG!

He drives me nuts! Not really his habits, but his attitude. He bitches about working two jobs, he has mood swings. He wears my stuff, and leaves the toilette seat up. He is depressing and we fight all of the time. He is stingy with his stuff, especially his MJ, but not with mine. He never hangs out with me. When we are at home together, he prefers the tv off. That would be fine if we were hanging out and talking, but nope. We just sit on our separate computers. It sucks. And now that I see him more, I don't think he is the gentle, harmless, good-natured guy that I thought I knew. He talks about girls like they're pieces of meat. He just wants to get laid. All he can get are the heavier chicks. But he is shitty to them. Now he wants to fuck an 18 year old virgin that we work with. You are an idiot lion man.. Maybe this is just how is at home. He was probably no different when he lived in his last place. Right? Either way. I may have guy friends and live with my guy friends, but I am not a dude and do not want to be treated like one. I am a lady and I should be treated like one. always. My roommate is the worst part of a teenage girl and a dirty old man.

My Tattoo

Somehow, and I am still wondering where this came from, I got completely hung up on perfecting my tattoo idea. I finally have a small amount of disposable income to invest. I might as well get it now before I want to go swimming, and while I am still working on that bikini bod ( I say that every year, but unfortunately what you see now is what you get). I know what I want, I know where I want it. I know I want it to be shaded, with white being the only color. But I'm not sure exactly how I want it drawn or how big it should be.

There are so many styles to choose from! I am going to pick out 3 good ones and take the images to a tattoo artist tomorrow and see what they can do for me. I'm super excited!! I haven't gotten a tat since my first one when I was 17. It was my birthday present. I had to pay for it, but momma reluctantly signed the papers. I got a trail of stars, tramp stamp. The location was strategically placed with my future as a career woman in mind, but the stars are a bit cliche. I love stars, still love stars, but they don't have any special significance.

This design for my new tattoo has to be perfect. It is in loving memory of my grandmother. Grandma Jean died of pancreatic cancer when I was 16. She was a smoker for 40 years, but she made it to her 70's so she had a good run. My mother always tells me I am just like her. I was too young to know her as an adult knows another adult, but as a grandmother she was a pretty cool lady. And we did have a lot in common. She loved old books, old stuff, the English, and history. Maybe that is how i developed a passion for these things. She would watch me and my siblings once a week, and when I came home from school I would watch The Antique Roadshow with her. We went to garage sales a lot, and flee markets. She always had pretty little things, trinkets that were just nice to admire. And when she found something that reminded her of me or my sister she would buy it for us.  We have the same bull-headed attitude too. If she thought she was being mistreated or deserved better attention, she was all over it. Hollering up a storm until the offending party had to give in. That is a personal favorite characteristic of myself, inherited from her. I learned after she died that we even had some recreational habits in common ( she smoked mary jane, AND with my mother!). Luckily the high-anxiety trait skipped me and landed with my sister. Grandma Jean and Jackie knew/know how turn a small doubt into a full blown alarm, to the point where everyone in the vicinity wants to take cover.

When we lived in our old house,a quaint family of 4 at the time, Grandma Jean shared with us a new discovery of hers. She planted seeds that would one day grow into a beautiful, lushes plant with huge white blossoms. She called it a Moonflower, but the scientific name is Datura. The flower only blooms at night (evening really, around 6 o'clock), and it smells like heaven. Since they are so big their scent is easily detected as soon as the flower blossoms. To add to this plant's wonder, it is a poison from the "witches" weed family that also includes deadly nightshade. There is a history of the Datura plant being used as a hallucinogen and toxin because ingesting it can cause delusions and death. Beautiful and dangerous, this plant was created to end up tattooed to my body. History and fun facts aside, my grandma is responsible for introducing me to this lovely plant that no one I know has ever heard of. Passing out these seeds became part of her calling-card. When we moved to our new house we brought seeds, but grandma was getting sick, and my mother can't even plant a weed, so we didn't have any moonflowers for the longest time. Until one day, out of nowhere, a plant sprouts up right next to our house; behind a bush, where no plant had any business trying to grow. And this same plant comes back every year. Random? I think not.

To conclude this overly long explanation of how I plan to permanently modify my one and only body..Some may not approve, but it is my way of paying homage to the women that carved a piece of herself into me, and made me the person I am today.

little isms

Whenever you get a grin on your face, your brain is releasing serotonin, the happy hormone. Smiling is the natural way to force yourself to be happy. Many people even smile for five minutes straight in the morning to get themselves in a great mood for the day. It is a very powerful tool that is utilized less and less as we grow older and need happiness more than ever. Just remember that while happiness leads to smiles, smiles also lead to happiness. Anyone who has ever gone anywhere will tell you that traveling is one of the most exciting and life-changing activities that you can do. Observing a different culture will expand your mind while making you further appreciate the life you already live. This goes back to becoming an explorer: this world is your jungle so go explore! Who knows, maybe you’ll find a place you love so much that you decide to move. Imagine the positive repercussions a new environment could have on your life.Learn to be unaffected by the words of others. Most people get very upset when they are called negative names by others, but there is a simple trick to overcoming this. Here it is: If I went up to you and called you a fire hydrant, would you be upset? Of course not. Obviously you are not a fire hydrant, you are a human being. The same concept applies to when someone calls you something that you know you are not. They are foolish for saying such things, so why would you react with such anger? The only exception is when someone calls you something that is true! In this case, you should thank them for alerting you to a weakness, one that you can now work on changing.Don’t burn bridges. By that I mean maintain your relationships with people even if you think you are never going to see them again. For example, if you are quitting your job, don’t chew out your boss before leaving! You might run into him/her again later and life and wish you had never severed ties so harshly. You never know when you might need the help of someone you knew in the past. Plus there is already too much hatred in this world, why add more towards the people you interact with?Love is all there is. If you truly want to be a master of life, let love be in your every action. Love your friends, family and enemies alike. This is the most difficult thing to do out of this entire list, which is why it is listed at #50. But if you accomplish this, you will be seen as a leader among everyone that allows hate, envy, disgust and all other negative emotions into their lives. Think Gandhi. Love is so rare in this world when compared to the massive presence of hate that by exuding love, you will immediately see yourself and the people around you change. Love. Love. Love.Just found these little tidbits on stumble, my new bad habit. I picked out these articles because I share the sentiment, and I wanted to remember them for later. Smiling is my favorite subject. It's followed me since childhood. One of those "Momma always said...". She always told me that you decide whether you are going to have a good time, no one else can determine that for you; it is what you make it. A good way to change a bad attitude to a good one is to smile. Simple, painless, and mood-altering, even if it's forced. I personally need to learn not to let the opinions of others bother me so much. In most cases, I practice that principle, but this weekend at work I had a relapse. Luckily I had a good friend on hand to remind me that it doesn't matter what they think, it matters what you think, so start there. I truly believe that you should be kind to all people because you never know what's going to happen next, and craziest, impossible thing that you never imagined could happen in a million years will involve that 1 person that you were unkind to, and they don't forget. You don't have to like everyone, there will always be people you simply don't like. But if you are nice and treat them with respect, the dislike because more tolerable and perhaps obsolete. Love. Love it. Couldn't live without it. Always going to share it. Enough said. 

Usually because I can't commit. Always waiting for the next big wave. I will learn someday..I always do.

Invincible. I need the hit that point here soon. I'm pretty destructive. And I've noticed that I'm fun, people like to hang out with me. But it stops there.

Realize that the world doesn't revolve around you. Its not just about making yourself happy anymore. You start to realize you and your only body are not

Can hospitals call immigration? That would be such a shame. I think Darwin has learned a valuable lesson. Being 22, he has just reached the time when you..

My friend Darwin is still in the hospital today. I thought he would be out by now, but maybe there is something really wrong with him.

And the messages will come in short bursts of 160 characters. Seems pointless. No more pointless than the silly things I post on the internet..

Blogging from my phone, don't know how I feel about that. But work is incredibly boring and they won't let me leave. This at least somewhat productive right?

Abortion, had to go there

I couldn't resist making at statement after I read an article in the paper today. It was titled "Texas Legislation Adds Conditions on Abortion". Conditions? They are requiring that women seeking an abortion (under normal conditions) must have a sonogram to learn a description of the fetus they are carrying. They act like the decision to have an abortion comes at the snap of a finger. No women going through that experience is not affected by the gravity of the situation. They don't need to know that the baby inside them has fingers and toes to be affected by it. I return again to the fact that we are animals. We have certain functions built into our bodies that promote survival and reproduction. When a women finds out she is pregnant her brain is already calculating what it is going to take to keep this baby safe. Some women know that there is no way this can happen under their current situations. I'm talking about the poor women who can't afford a child. Or the women who don't have a supportive family for a child to be born into.  We need to think I a little bit more about the lifestyle an unwanted child will lead. There is evidence to support the claim that in areas where abortion is illegal, crime and poverty rates go up. There is no miracle in life when that life is shelter-less, hungry, and abused. So how about we leave the baby birthing decisions to the women responsible for taking care of it. Or, here's a radical idea: issue a license to granting women the privilege of having children.

Georgia Guidstones

I posted something on facebook today. It was a picture of the Georgia Guidestones. No one cared or commented, but it is one of the more controversial monuments in existence! It has been described as the "American Stonehenge" and it is surrounded by so much mystery. It's a giant granite fixture, arranged in 4 slabs. On each side of a slab there is printed a 10 commandments of sorts, in 8 of the most popular languages (English, Spanish, Swahili, Hindi, Hebrew, Arabic, Chinese, and Russian). The commandments go as follows:

1. Maintain humanity under 500,000,000 in perpetual balance with nature.
2. Guide reproduction wisely — improving fitness and diversity.
3. Unite humanity with a living new language.
4. Rule passion — faith — tradition — and all things with tempered reason.
5. Protect people and nations with fair laws and just courts.
6. Let all nations rule internally resolving external disputes in a world court.
7. Avoid petty laws and useless officials.
8. Balance personal rights with social duties.
9. Prize truth — beauty — love — seeking harmony with the infinite.
10. Be not a cancer on the earth — Leave room for nature — Leave room for nature.

The first time I read this I was astounded. Who on earth came up with something so bizarre, and decided to remain anonymous? It was constructed in the 1980's, and built to withstand a nuclear war. This guy wanted these stones to last. And I can see why. If we continue on our current path of careless consumption and ruthless destruction we will obliterate the world we know today. The survivors are going to need a guiding light. Sure they could always turn back to the bible, but if it didn't work the first time why would work in the aftermath of an apocalypse? Once more, maybe the the bible and its supporters aren't going to be the survivors. My point is that the masses are like sheep, give them the will to survive and a leader to organize them and your set.  So this unnamed man takes the initiative to set some guidelines for the lucky soul given the task.

The Georgia Guidestones have taken a lot of heat. I would say a majority of people, especially Americans, are content with their 3 bedroom house, 2 door garage, SUV in the driveway, television in every room. How could anyone suggest that we need to take care of our planet, and be careful about reproduction?

The guidestones state some extreme ideas, but they have prevalence. The first one, and the most extreme, instructing followers to limit the population to 500 million. I don't have the skill to figure out where this estimation came from, but I imagine it involved comparing space available for cultivation + other consumption needs divided by the amount 1 person consumes. Regardless, we are well past this number, and growing! We cannot feed all of these people. Not to mention the fact that the people adding to the population are the ones that have no business doing so. It's the poor, the uneducated, the mentally unstable, and the physically abused that get knocked up. This supports the second principle, guide reproduction. Thank you! Someone had to say it (that's a rant for another day). Critics are outraged at the suggestion of seeking a reduced population, but I don't think this guideline is asking us to start killing off those people that can't run fast enough. It's a message for the future, when we are trying to rebuild the world. Try a cap amount this time people! Oddly enough, the reason I started thinking about the guidestones was an article I read in the WSJ today. 600 African migrants drowned in the ocean when a boat capsized. We don't need to orchestrate a systematic plan to reduce the population. Conditions are so bad in some places people would rather die trying to leave than continue living in turmoil. 

The third guidline, is kind of out there, even for me. But if we did lived in a world with a well manage population it might be conceivable. Or everyone should just learn English, because lets face it, most people know it anyways.

4-6: Covers the basic needs of the human species. We need to be governed. Some have tried anarchy. It doesn't work. That is why, though I cannot fathom a god, I think people need religion at the bare minimum. And traditions, they will never die. It is part of evolution. We pass down learned skills and experiences because we learn from our mistakes. We want our descendants to remember us, and the experiences we suffered through, so that they don't have to go through the same pain. Fair laws, just courts, global matters being tried in a global court. Does this not make perfect sense? Most societies try to do this anyway, but it needs to be all or nothing. We are all people. There is no argument that since people are equal they deserve equal rights. A theory easier said than done. The greed that grows from power is unfortunately a dominant emotion over compassion. Mystery Man, I like where your going with this but I think animalistic instinct will takeover in this aspect. I suppose that is where avoiding petty laws and balancing rights with duties comes into play. If you set some ground rules that everyone agrees to follow you might have an easier time enforcing fair treatment for all.

The last 2 guidelines really hit home with me. Prize truth, beauty, and love. Yes. These are the characteristics of the soul. They are things that promote good, and anyone trying to display these characteristics is most likely smiling. So great! 10- poetry to my ears. "Be not a cancer to the earth". Please someone realize that this most important of all. We tend to forget that, although humans have the capability to build buildings and walls, damn rivers, create land, travel at fast speeds, all it takes is a natural disaster to destroy it. An earthquake, flood, volcano eruption, thunders storm can easily reduce our man-made structures to the rubble they came from. Take care of the planet and it will take care of you!

Everything happens for a reason.



 

It Begins

Well let me start by saying I am a hypocrite, but we all are. I say that technology is taking it too far, but here I am committing to yet another social network.  Just what I need, another reason to sit on my ass, stare at a computer, and waist my time. Yes, do as I say, not as I do.  For some reason, today I decided I couldn't be silent anymore. I just want to be able to share my thoughts, my perspective.  Everyone sees life through different eyes, and everyone has something unique to share. So I am going to share my experiences, my stance on life as it's thrown at me. I think it will be fun.


I live in a tiny 2 bedroom apartment. I work 2 jobs so that I can pay for school. I study finance, but would also like to study globalization (and in a perfect world horticulture).  I am the treasurer for recycling club. I come from a decently large Italian family, consisting of Mom and Pop, 2 younger sisters and a brother, a golden retriever, a rabbit, and 2 guinea pigs. That's my existence in a nut shell.

That's all I will say for now, I've lost my creative mood. But I will say this: studies prove that smiles are more attractive than makeup. In a world where we are constantly seeking beauty, do your part.