I don't really have anything I am burning to say with this post. But has been almost a month and I am determined to keep up my blog as a matter of principle. When I start something I like to finish it. When I say I am going to do something, I do it. So here is one I have been mulling over for awhile.
I just got out of a long relationship. The high school sweetheart kind. We were each others firsts for love and sex and all of the above. We were together for five(ish) years, with a year long breakup toward the end as well as random "breaks" throughout.When I was younger I would wonder to myself, "how did you find a perfect match on the first try?" You didn't.
The only perfect match is the person that you don't have to change yourself for to make happy. For me it ended up being a downward spiral of me trying to mask my true self in an attempt to make him happy, which in turn caused neither one of us to be happy because I ended up pissed off all of the time. I see this now, but at the time I couldn't figure what was wrong with me. I was never content. LB had a car, nice house (with his mom, but whatever..she was cool), he had a job, and he was going to school. He came up with the best gifts ever and he knew me all too well. But my antics didn't amuse him. I wanted to be Miss Independent, and he didn't want to let me out of his sight. It's like when you squeeze a puppy. They tolerate it for awhile, but squeeze to hard and you get nipped in the face while the puppy high-tails it out of there.
The fact that I am 21 and he only 23 might have something to do with that. Some women are happy knowing ASAP that they found someone to support them forever. That's not me, I support myself first. Then know I am making enough to support a child, then we'll worry about that man of my dreams. We live too long to enjoy that old fashion married life. Imagine if I would have settled down with the man I met when I was 15? That's 70 years of commitment to 1 person! Is that possible?
I have been hearing a lot lately, "it's possible, anythings possible if you work at it". How do you begin to work at relationship that you are facing until death do you part? That is a tough one, and it probably is possible. But I guarantee you aren't working with the same relationship you entered into at the alter. I see the progression as this: courtship, lovers, exclusive couple, marriage, partnership, support group. I think it is somewhere during that partnership where the true meaning of being together isn't love anymore, it's financial support and child rearing, that people go wrong. They either "work at it" and make it through to the point where it is just the two of them again and they can fall in love for a second time or they grow to hate each other, resent each other, and it ends in a messy divorce with a custody battle to fuel that fire. This is what scares me about monogamy. I want to be absolutely sure that when I am 35 years old that the man I am with is someone I can fall in love with over and over again. That is what I am looking for. Because the fact of the matter is, the human race has evolved to survive in pairs, and it gets lonely without a mate. But at age 35 the mates are less abundant and a women's man hunting days are long gone, so you have to make the permanent one stay dedicated for the long haul.
Moral of my story is hold out until you are old enough to decide if the partner you find is the perfect match because that is the person that will keep coming back to you when life moves through its natural circle. Oh, and it's not cheating until you're married, that's what Mama always said (You gotta shop around).
I just got out of a long relationship. The high school sweetheart kind. We were each others firsts for love and sex and all of the above. We were together for five(ish) years, with a year long breakup toward the end as well as random "breaks" throughout.When I was younger I would wonder to myself, "how did you find a perfect match on the first try?" You didn't.
The only perfect match is the person that you don't have to change yourself for to make happy. For me it ended up being a downward spiral of me trying to mask my true self in an attempt to make him happy, which in turn caused neither one of us to be happy because I ended up pissed off all of the time. I see this now, but at the time I couldn't figure what was wrong with me. I was never content. LB had a car, nice house (with his mom, but whatever..she was cool), he had a job, and he was going to school. He came up with the best gifts ever and he knew me all too well. But my antics didn't amuse him. I wanted to be Miss Independent, and he didn't want to let me out of his sight. It's like when you squeeze a puppy. They tolerate it for awhile, but squeeze to hard and you get nipped in the face while the puppy high-tails it out of there.
The fact that I am 21 and he only 23 might have something to do with that. Some women are happy knowing ASAP that they found someone to support them forever. That's not me, I support myself first. Then know I am making enough to support a child, then we'll worry about that man of my dreams. We live too long to enjoy that old fashion married life. Imagine if I would have settled down with the man I met when I was 15? That's 70 years of commitment to 1 person! Is that possible?
I have been hearing a lot lately, "it's possible, anythings possible if you work at it". How do you begin to work at relationship that you are facing until death do you part? That is a tough one, and it probably is possible. But I guarantee you aren't working with the same relationship you entered into at the alter. I see the progression as this: courtship, lovers, exclusive couple, marriage, partnership, support group. I think it is somewhere during that partnership where the true meaning of being together isn't love anymore, it's financial support and child rearing, that people go wrong. They either "work at it" and make it through to the point where it is just the two of them again and they can fall in love for a second time or they grow to hate each other, resent each other, and it ends in a messy divorce with a custody battle to fuel that fire. This is what scares me about monogamy. I want to be absolutely sure that when I am 35 years old that the man I am with is someone I can fall in love with over and over again. That is what I am looking for. Because the fact of the matter is, the human race has evolved to survive in pairs, and it gets lonely without a mate. But at age 35 the mates are less abundant and a women's man hunting days are long gone, so you have to make the permanent one stay dedicated for the long haul.
Moral of my story is hold out until you are old enough to decide if the partner you find is the perfect match because that is the person that will keep coming back to you when life moves through its natural circle. Oh, and it's not cheating until you're married, that's what Mama always said (You gotta shop around).
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