I am 21 years old and had a enough relationships by now to know what I am looking for...right now.
I did the long term, committed relationship first. We were young, it seemed perfect. I was sure I was going to marry my high school sweet heart like in some preteen fantasy novel. But this relationship stopped working when I realized that there was only one place we could go from where we were (me 21, him 23 and practically married already), and that was the last place I wanted to be. So I said goodbye to my first love. I set out on the path of being single. But this is not the first time, I had my first go at singlehood after my first huge life transition, moving out of my parents house.
At age 19 I wanted to try being single. I was young and inexperienced. I was new to college life and I had to see what was out there. This meant really entering the dating game for the first time. Unfortunately "the game" for a 19 year girl is difficult. The best players have a lot of practice. I was brand new. That was the year that I learned men that try to get in your pants on the first encounter are done being interested once you let them in. Yep, had a few of those let downs. Looking back on it now, I cannot believe I thought any one one of those guys had an interest in me other than my vagina. They really aren't hard to spot, and usually have nothing intelligent to say. That was first valuable lesson learned; spot the rogue. They weren't all bad of course. There were a couple that stuck around. One in particular really influenced me and who I am today. I was still 19 and he was 24 and I worshiped him. He listened to the best music, and had the greatest free-love ideas. His dad lived and worked in New Zealand, a country I couldn't even locate on a map. All of this influence on me, I was his puppet. But he never wanted to call our relationship anything. We were just...together. Next lesson learned. It's easier to let something go if you don't form an attachment, don't give it a title. I was crushed, but surprisingly the titleless relationship was easy for me to lose too. Today I see that relationship as a introduction to a world I had not known. He was one of the few that taught me something I could take through life.
There weren't many after him before I got fed up with men. I came to the conclusion that I had been with a man that I loved, and there might not be anyone else out there that could love me back like my first did. So I went back. We had a great year. It is amazing how fast we fell into our old rhythm. I felt comfortable, safe, at home. Too comfortable, too familiar. It took me 1 year to remember again why I left. But this time I had a real epiphany. I don't want to be with anyone. I am too young, these relationships don't work because, male or female, no one really knows what they want at 21. So why worry about it? My philosophy as it stands: get in a serious relationship when you are ready for that relationship to last forever because being committed takes a lot of work. But it is worth it if you want that. I'm not trying to disrespect anyone who has a fully functional relationship. It just doesn't work for a person like me, determined to carve my own path out of this earth. I mean, my biggest concerns at this time are making it to class on time and who you can get to buy my next drink. Ladies and Gentlemen, do yourself a favor and give the early years to yourself. Once they're gone they're gone, unless you plan on rejoining "the game" at age 40 after some messy divorced to some person you thought you loved. I hear it's rough out there past age 32.
My theory doesn't account for the fact that we are human, and instinctively we look for a mate. This is my current challenge. I thought I had it all figured out, until a boy came along. And I like this boy very much. But he threatens all of my plans. I want to be thinking about myself, and not getting mixed up in a love game. It came down to fight off a relationship or fighting in one, so I let my heart take the reigns. It can't be helped. I can't control these emotions. And he makes me happy so why not? That is the ultimate goal in life right? To be happy? The way I see it, that is the bare necessity, our will to survive can be seen simply as being happy. So I caved, and let myself fall in love again, but with a new idea on how to go about it.
I put a restriction on it. I am not your girlfriend. Surprisingly he was okay with that. I don't know why I was surprised considering men are usually the ones with commitment issues. But why can't we just hang out and be together without a label? Because society says otherwise. That has been the biggest hurdle. People want to fit others into categories to simplify life, but the reality is that there is no simple solution to trials of being human. Further more, this is my second longest running relationship. Whether this is a healthy thing, I haven't figured that out yet. It works for me. I don't feel caged in, which helps with my fear of commitment. I'm not trying to get a marriage proposal out of him. I figure as long as we make each other happy we will be together. When that stops being the case, we shake hands and walk away. Doesn't that sound nice? It is, but it is a work in progress. The lines as I see them get blurred, and we both don't know how to put them back. But without the pressures of a typical relationship we have an easier time dealing with our problems. He is great guy, and it has been fun getting to know him. Where the future is concerned, I'll just let fate run its course and not ask any questions.
To sum it all up: Live your life the way you see fit, and do what makes YOU happy. The people that stick around are the ones who were in it for you in the first place.
I did the long term, committed relationship first. We were young, it seemed perfect. I was sure I was going to marry my high school sweet heart like in some preteen fantasy novel. But this relationship stopped working when I realized that there was only one place we could go from where we were (me 21, him 23 and practically married already), and that was the last place I wanted to be. So I said goodbye to my first love. I set out on the path of being single. But this is not the first time, I had my first go at singlehood after my first huge life transition, moving out of my parents house.
At age 19 I wanted to try being single. I was young and inexperienced. I was new to college life and I had to see what was out there. This meant really entering the dating game for the first time. Unfortunately "the game" for a 19 year girl is difficult. The best players have a lot of practice. I was brand new. That was the year that I learned men that try to get in your pants on the first encounter are done being interested once you let them in. Yep, had a few of those let downs. Looking back on it now, I cannot believe I thought any one one of those guys had an interest in me other than my vagina. They really aren't hard to spot, and usually have nothing intelligent to say. That was first valuable lesson learned; spot the rogue. They weren't all bad of course. There were a couple that stuck around. One in particular really influenced me and who I am today. I was still 19 and he was 24 and I worshiped him. He listened to the best music, and had the greatest free-love ideas. His dad lived and worked in New Zealand, a country I couldn't even locate on a map. All of this influence on me, I was his puppet. But he never wanted to call our relationship anything. We were just...together. Next lesson learned. It's easier to let something go if you don't form an attachment, don't give it a title. I was crushed, but surprisingly the titleless relationship was easy for me to lose too. Today I see that relationship as a introduction to a world I had not known. He was one of the few that taught me something I could take through life.
There weren't many after him before I got fed up with men. I came to the conclusion that I had been with a man that I loved, and there might not be anyone else out there that could love me back like my first did. So I went back. We had a great year. It is amazing how fast we fell into our old rhythm. I felt comfortable, safe, at home. Too comfortable, too familiar. It took me 1 year to remember again why I left. But this time I had a real epiphany. I don't want to be with anyone. I am too young, these relationships don't work because, male or female, no one really knows what they want at 21. So why worry about it? My philosophy as it stands: get in a serious relationship when you are ready for that relationship to last forever because being committed takes a lot of work. But it is worth it if you want that. I'm not trying to disrespect anyone who has a fully functional relationship. It just doesn't work for a person like me, determined to carve my own path out of this earth. I mean, my biggest concerns at this time are making it to class on time and who you can get to buy my next drink. Ladies and Gentlemen, do yourself a favor and give the early years to yourself. Once they're gone they're gone, unless you plan on rejoining "the game" at age 40 after some messy divorced to some person you thought you loved. I hear it's rough out there past age 32.
My theory doesn't account for the fact that we are human, and instinctively we look for a mate. This is my current challenge. I thought I had it all figured out, until a boy came along. And I like this boy very much. But he threatens all of my plans. I want to be thinking about myself, and not getting mixed up in a love game. It came down to fight off a relationship or fighting in one, so I let my heart take the reigns. It can't be helped. I can't control these emotions. And he makes me happy so why not? That is the ultimate goal in life right? To be happy? The way I see it, that is the bare necessity, our will to survive can be seen simply as being happy. So I caved, and let myself fall in love again, but with a new idea on how to go about it.
I put a restriction on it. I am not your girlfriend. Surprisingly he was okay with that. I don't know why I was surprised considering men are usually the ones with commitment issues. But why can't we just hang out and be together without a label? Because society says otherwise. That has been the biggest hurdle. People want to fit others into categories to simplify life, but the reality is that there is no simple solution to trials of being human. Further more, this is my second longest running relationship. Whether this is a healthy thing, I haven't figured that out yet. It works for me. I don't feel caged in, which helps with my fear of commitment. I'm not trying to get a marriage proposal out of him. I figure as long as we make each other happy we will be together. When that stops being the case, we shake hands and walk away. Doesn't that sound nice? It is, but it is a work in progress. The lines as I see them get blurred, and we both don't know how to put them back. But without the pressures of a typical relationship we have an easier time dealing with our problems. He is great guy, and it has been fun getting to know him. Where the future is concerned, I'll just let fate run its course and not ask any questions.
To sum it all up: Live your life the way you see fit, and do what makes YOU happy. The people that stick around are the ones who were in it for you in the first place.
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